I am man or woman
Esan Regmi/Pahichan – I was born in 1988 AD, at a remote mountainous district of Bajura in Far Western Development Region of Nepal. At birth, I was brought up as female by my family of but later at the age of 13 years , my physical development changed as compared to other girls.
This turned to be bit shocking to me and my family because I lived in the society and they started looking at me in different ways. My community told to my family to take me to the treatment centres and counsel well.
My family thought I will be cured and was taken to India for treatment, but upon reaching there the doctor said that the treatment would not be possible rather the Hijjara community would take me to them as part of their Rights. Fearing the story, my family brought me back to Nepal. Slowly I was changing into male whereas my documents were all in Female. For that reason I could not go out and stayed alone in my home.
I was forced to act like a girl as I had my documents were in girl’s name and though I wanted to have my freedom and be proud of my orientation, I was suppressed inside to hide and could not share to others. Whenever I used to be out, the people used to look at me and would some time say that” I am man or woman “and that used to stress me badly hindering my work and life. This resulted on my studies too as I often got broken done and became too weak, yet my family always reminded me and encouraged me at the work.
The family encouragement led me to continue my studies and I took tuition and went ahead with my studies. But at the final exam , when I went to appear for the exam , I was told as a fake student as my look was different and had to overcome various stigma, discrimination and accusation while giving exam . Despite such issues and problems, I did not give up my studies and thought as positive direction. Later I completed my education and tried to look for the opportunity but to my dismay, I was rejected many times due to certificates and my physical outlook.
Realizing such humiliation and experiences, I made up my mind to address my issues to other people. Hence in 2011, I came to know about BDS and worked there as volunteer and at the same time; I studied some facts of Intersex. Gradually I staring talking to intersex community on weekly basis and resulted national and international connections. I was selected to represent community members too in national level.