{"id":10424,"date":"2018-06-24T15:41:32","date_gmt":"2018-06-24T09:56:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pahichan.com\/?p=10424"},"modified":"2018-06-24T15:41:32","modified_gmt":"2018-06-24T09:56:32","slug":"a-family-in-transition-two-fathers-and-the-baby-girl-they-never-expected","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pahichan.com\/en\/a-family-in-transition-two-fathers-and-the-baby-girl-they-never-expected\/","title":{"rendered":"A Family in Transition, Two fathers and the baby girl they never expected"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-1h6whtw\">\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">Kathmandu (Pahichan) June 24 &#8211; Paetyn, an impish 1-year-old, has two fathers. One of them gave birth to her.\u00a0 As traditional notions of gender shift and blur, parents and children like these are redefining the concept of family.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">Paetyn\u2019s father Tanner, 25, is a trans man: He was born female but began transitioning to male in his teens, and takes the male hormone testosterone.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">\u201cI was born a man in a female body,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">His partner and Paetyn\u2019s biological father is David, 35, a gay man.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-14jsv4e\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"story-ad-1-wrapper\" class=\"ResponsiveAd-flexFrame--1PVri ResponsiveAd-storyBodyAd--35v2w\">\n<div id=\"story-ad-1-slug\" class=\"ResponsiveAd-adSlug--3H3QM\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"ad story-ad-1-wrapper\">\n<div id=\"story-ad-1\" data-google-query-id=\"CIPAkI2D7NsCFY5GKwodc80NtQ\">\n<div id=\"google_ads_iframe_\/29390238\/nyt\/health_3__container__\">Their daughter, they agree, is the best thing that ever happened to them.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-1h6whtw\">\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">\u201cShe\u2019ll grow up in a very diverse home,\u201d David said. \u201cWe surround her with people who are different.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-14jsv4e\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<figure class=\"css-l1fb44 e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1m50asq\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY26\/16BABY26-articleLarge.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" sizes=\"((min-width: 600px) and (max-width: 1004px)) 84vw, (min-width: 1005px) 60vw, 100vw\" srcset=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY26\/16BABY26-articleLarge.jpg?quality=90&amp;auto=webp 600w,https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY26\/16BABY26-jumbo.jpg?quality=90&amp;auto=webp 1024w,https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY26\/16BABY26-superJumbo.jpg?quality=90&amp;auto=webp 2048w\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div><figcaption class=\"css-1wtlzrm e3zkro30\"><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-1h6whtw\">\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">In addition to their day jobs \u2014 David works at an insurance exchange, Tanner at an auto-parts store, a cleaning service and a bar \u2014Paetyn\u2019s fathers are both drag performers at a local club near their home in upstate New York.To protect their privacy, only their first names are being used.<\/p>\n<div class=\"InlineMessage-inline--2ysnq\">\n<div class=\"css-10klw3m optimizelyOK vi_inline\">Trans men have conceived on purpose, but Tanner isn\u2019t one of them. In his case, it happened by accident after he missed a few doses of testosterone, and he didn\u2019t suspect he was pregnant until the morning sickness hit. It was a shock, but he and David said that from the start, there was no doubt that they wanted the baby.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">\u201cWe get to have a child that\u2019s biologically ours, which is an opportunity a lot of people in our community don\u2019t have,\u201d David said.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">The first time that they saw the fetal heartbeat on ultrasound, they wept.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">\u201cI can still see it as clear as day in my head,\u201d David said. \u201cIt was a life-changing moment.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-14jsv4e\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"story-ad-2-wrapper\" class=\"ResponsiveAd-flexFrame--1PVri ResponsiveAd-storyBodyAd--35v2w\">\n<div class=\"ad story-ad-2-wrapper\">\n<div id=\"story-ad-2\" data-google-query-id=\"CNOLyZyD7NsCFcVgKwodup0E9Q\">\n<div id=\"google_ads_iframe_\/29390238\/nyt\/health_4__container__\">Tanner said, \u201cOn the first one, she looked like a little peanut. Next time, boom! It was a baby. You could see the spine and everything. It was so cool. I saw her hands, and it was like, \u2018You\u2019ll be a drummer or learn sign language.\u2019 It blew my mind.\u201d<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\"><\/div>\n<figure class=\"css-18k05cz e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\">\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/18\/science\/18BABY3\/merlin_139470399_4af9c08c-bfb5-4b2b-9c49-0d11eac4e99f-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" sizes=\"((min-width: 600px) and (max-width: 1004px)) 84vw, (min-width: 1005px) 80vw, 100vw\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-1giptky e3zkro30\"><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<figure class=\"css-18k05cz e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\">\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/18\/science\/18BABY3\/merlin_139469115_dd5e99b3-14e3-42b8-a307-3a8f0e7de2a6-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" sizes=\"((min-width: 600px) and (max-width: 1004px)) 84vw, (min-width: 1005px) 80vw, 100vw\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-1giptky e3zkro30\"><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-1h6whtw\">\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">Tanner had to stay off testosterone until the birth, but he had no interest in ever identifying as female again or dressing as a woman.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">\u201cYeah, I\u2019m a pregnant man,\u201d he told friends and acquaintances. \u201cWhat? I\u2019m pregnant. I\u2019m still a man. You have questions? Come talk to me. You have a problem with it? Don\u2019t be in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">Starting in his teens, Tanner\u2019s transition from female to male had been a series of steps over a number of years. As a child, he was a tomboy who preferred boys as friends and played tackle football. \u201cI always felt different,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-14jsv4e\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<figure class=\"css-18k05cz e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\">\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY4\/merlin_139469100_8eb5d057-52fe-4cc8-8325-a371231992ff-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" sizes=\"((min-width: 600px) and (max-width: 1004px)) 84vw, (min-width: 1005px) 80vw, 100vw\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-1giptky e3zkro30\"><span class=\"css-1v07nl7 e1olku6u0\">Tanner, with his sister.<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<div id=\"story-ad-3-wrapper\" class=\"ResponsiveAd-storyBodyAd--35v2w\">\n<div id=\"story-ad-3-slug\" class=\"ResponsiveAd-adSlug--3H3QM\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"ad story-ad-3-wrapper\">\n<div id=\"story-ad-3\" data-google-query-id=\"CPnAoJ2D7NsCFcpLKwoduukAaw\">\n<div id=\"google_ads_iframe_\/29390238\/nyt\/health_5__container__\">Puberty, and the changes that came with it \u2014 especially the developing breasts \u2014 were torture. Suddenly he was no longer allowed to play outside without a shirt. His first bra, a happy rite of passage for most girls, brought him to tears.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-1h6whtw\">\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">He began struggling with anxiety and depression connected to \u201cgender dysphoria,\u201d the sense that his body and outward gender did not match his identity.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">\u201cIt\u2019s a constant battle,\u201d he said. \u201cBeing uncomfortable in your own skin makes for a negative life. You\u2019re suffocating in your own body.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">He felt attracted to girls, but had been brought up to believe that being gay was wrong. Still, he came out as bisexual during his freshman year of high school, and then as what he called a butch lesbian.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">During his freshman year in college, he saw a drag king performance for the first time \u2014 women performing as men \u2014 and thought, \u201cI need to do that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">He tried it \u2014 and sensed he\u2019d found his identity at last. To hide his breasts while performing, he would wrap his chest painfully tight in duct tape.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">He began to transition socially \u2014 to live as a man, asking friends and family to refer to him as he or him. After a year, he began taking testosterone. Gradually, his voice dropped, facial hair grew in, his periods stopped, his neck and jaw thickened, and his body fat shifted, giving him a more masculine build. It felt right.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-14jsv4e\">\n<div class=\"css-z3qape ek9z99y2\">\n<article class=\"css-1dr52to ek9z99y0\">\n<div class=\"css-1n47mh1\">\u201cWhen you transition, you\u2019re free,\u201d he said. \u201cIt was the best decision of my life.\u201d<\/div>\n<\/article>\n<\/div>\n<\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-1h6whtw\">\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">He did not expect to fall in love with a man, but that is exactly what happened with David, a longtime friend \u2014 who had not quite envisioned himself with a trans man as a partner.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">\u201cDavid came out of left field,\u201d Tanner said.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">Tracing his own path \u2014 from bisexual to lesbian, drag king, trans man, gay man, pregnant man \u2014 Tanner laughed and said, \u201cI\u2019m literally every letter of LGBTQ.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-14jsv4e\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-nvxo42 el4g4lw0\">\n<figure class=\"css-1tk8utm e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\">\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY24\/merlin_139469703_3c8c58d0-6be2-4e53-aa06-c5b9870c38e3-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-moyirx e3zkro30\"><span class=\"css-1v07nl7 e1olku6u0\">Marks left by the tape Tanner used to bind his chest after performing.<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<figure class=\"css-1tk8utm e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\">\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY25\/merlin_139469091_95d63d63-d41e-4c50-a08a-050740912208-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-moyirx e3zkro30\"><span class=\"css-1v07nl7 e1olku6u0\">David counting tips from his drag performances.<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<figure class=\"css-pqkn7h e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\">\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY5\/merlin_139469085_106af1b8-5690-497d-9abc-8991d0cad200-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" sizes=\"100vw\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-d5nwei e3zkro30\"><span class=\"css-1v07nl7 e1olku6u0\">At the club: David gets ready to perform.<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-1h6whtw\">\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">David and Tanner have a big network of friends and family \u2014 straight, gay, trans and every other possible variation \u2014 but both have encountered hostility in their hometown often enough to make them wary.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">As his belly expanded into its unmistakable shape, Tanner spent more and more time at home, fearful that out on the street, the sight of a pregnant man would invite trouble. And, he said, \u201cI just didn\u2019t want to be judged.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">When he did go out, he wore an enormous black hoodie of David\u2019s. \u201cThat hid it well,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">He had always hated his breasts, even before transitioning, and as they swelled with pregnancy he wore a tight sports bra to try to conceal them.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-14jsv4e\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"story-ad-5-wrapper\" class=\"ResponsiveAd-flexFrame--1PVri ResponsiveAd-storyBodyAd--35v2w\">\n<div id=\"story-ad-5-slug\" class=\"ResponsiveAd-adSlug--3H3QM\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"ad story-ad-5-wrapper\">\n<div id=\"story-ad-5\" data-google-query-id=\"CM-ThZ-D7NsCFVpFKwodqxMBYQ\">\n<div id=\"google_ads_iframe_\/29390238\/nyt\/health_7__container__\">\u201cThe chest, that was what really messed with my head,\u201d he said.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-1h6whtw\">\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">As fathers to be, they got some of their most enthusiastic congratulations from the drag world \u2014 the regulars at the club where both men perform, dancing and lip-syncing, Tanner as a drag king and David as a sassy, 6-foot-tall drag queen in a tight skirt and size 12-wide high heels.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">Tanner, fluent in sign language, signs the lyrics as well \u2014 Bruno Mars, Michael Jackson and Pentatonix are among his favorites \u2014 and has a big following among deaf drag fans.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">Apart from home, his only real comfort zone while pregnant was the bar where he and David performed.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">At first, Tanner hoped the baby would be a boy.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">\u201cI thought it would be easier for me,\u201d he said. \u201cI\u2019m not in tune with being feminine any more. I\u2019ll have to explain the transition. I don\u2019t want her to feel that being female is a bad thing. \u2018Dad used to be a girl. Now he\u2019s not.\u2019 I don\u2019t want her to feel being a girl is wrong and you have to transition to fit in.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">They had one baby shower at a rented cabin and another at the club, with more than 150 guests, who gave so many diapers that Tanner and David didn\u2019t have to buy any for months. They asked for books as well, and got enough to fill a bookcase.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-14jsv4e\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<figure class=\"css-18k05cz e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\">\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY6\/merlin_139470207_d2aa99c5-de19-4236-8f2b-bbc23d4a3b67-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" sizes=\"((min-width: 600px) and (max-width: 1004px)) 84vw, (min-width: 1005px) 80vw, 100vw\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-1giptky e3zkro30\"><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\"><\/div>\n<figure class=\"css-18k05cz e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\">\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/18\/science\/18BABY7\/merlin_139469127_fc2c8f58-6cf6-4201-a6ce-c2a90666049a-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" sizes=\"((min-width: 600px) and (max-width: 1004px)) 84vw, (min-width: 1005px) 80vw, 100vw\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-1giptky e3zkro30\"><span class=\"css-1v07nl7 e1olku6u0\">Tanner, in labor.<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<div id=\"story-ad-6-wrapper\" class=\"ResponsiveAd-storyBodyAd--35v2w\">\n<div id=\"story-ad-6-slug\" class=\"ResponsiveAd-adSlug--3H3QM\">\n<p>Being pregnant was difficult. \u201cI didn\u2019t enjoy it,\u201d Tanner said. \u201cI kept to myself.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-1h6whtw\">\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">In the obstetrician\u2019s waiting room, other patients, especially older women, gave him strange looks.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">He spent most of the pregnancy fighting nausea and heartburn, and was put on bed rest for the last trimester. Toward the end, he developed pre-eclampsia, a dangerous complication that landed him in the hospital \u2014 a man on the maternity floor.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">He had pounding headaches and saw spots before his eyes; his blood pressure shot up to 187\/111. The only cure for that condition is to deliver the baby.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">It was not an easy birth. Doctors began to induce labor on a Friday, and Tanner struggled through labor all weekend. He had an epidural while watching the Super Bowl. It did not work.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">On Monday, monitors suddenly showed the baby\u2019s heart rate slowing, and doctors rushed him to the operating room for an emergency cesarean.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">\u201cDo you want to cut the cord?\u201d a nurse asked David.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">\u201cThey gave me scissors, and it felt like cutting a rubber band,\u201d he said. \u201cThen they gave Tanner the baby, and we cried.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">Tanner recalled thinking, \u2018This is not real life. It\u2019s some crazy soap opera.\u2019 He felt close to passing out, but struggled to stay conscious. \u201cIt was awesome. Happy awesome.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-14jsv4e\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"story-ad-7-wrapper\" class=\"ResponsiveAd-flexFrame--1PVri ResponsiveAd-storyBodyAd--35v2w\">\n<div id=\"story-ad-7-slug\" class=\"ResponsiveAd-adSlug--3H3QM\">\n<p>ADVERTISEMENT<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"ad story-ad-7-wrapper\">\n<div id=\"story-ad-7\" data-google-query-id=\"CP_jxaCD7NsCFUpJKwodJusOYQ\">\n<div id=\"google_ads_iframe_\/29390238\/nyt\/health_9__container__\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" id=\"google_ads_iframe_\/29390238\/nyt\/health_9\" title=\"3rd party ad content\" src=\"https:\/\/tpc.googlesyndication.com\/safeframe\/1-0-29\/html\/container.html\" name=\"\" width=\"0\" height=\"309\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" sandbox=\"allow-forms allow-pointer-lock allow-popups allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox allow-same-origin allow-scripts allow-top-navigation-by-user-activation\" data-is-safeframe=\"true\" data-mce-fragment=\"1\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<figure class=\"css-pqkn7h e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\"><span class=\"css-1ly73wi e1afaoz0\">Image<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY8\/merlin_139470204_e2d6379b-8cc3-4ee5-95da-c36225cd6dec-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" sizes=\"100vw\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-d5nwei e3zkro30\"><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<figure class=\"css-pqkn7h e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\"><span class=\"css-1ly73wi e1afaoz0\">Image<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY9\/merlin_139470195_3bc1fc12-c3f2-41cc-9a31-7d02e514626f-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" sizes=\"100vw\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-d5nwei e3zkro30\"><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-1h6whtw\">\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">On the birth certificate, he is identified as Paetyn\u2019s mother, something that he and David hope eventually to have changed so that they are both listed as fathers.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">Tanner could not bear to nurse Paetyn: Breasts epitomized the gender he had abandoned. A few months later, he underwent \u201ctop surgery\u201d to have them removed.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">After Paetyn\u2019s birth, he went back on testosterone.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">\u201cOnce I started taking my T again after the baby came, it was kind of like a relief, because for me taking it makes me feel like I\u2019m at the level where I should be mentally and emotionally,\u201d he said. \u201cIt helps chill me out. I still have anxiety and depression, but not as much.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-14jsv4e\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<figure class=\"css-pqkn7h e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\"><span class=\"css-1ly73wi e1afaoz0\">Image<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY12\/merlin_139470198_31bfc138-a211-464d-b4a5-2e6a8858d2d9-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" sizes=\"100vw\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-d5nwei e3zkro30\"><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<div id=\"story-ad-8-wrapper\" class=\"ResponsiveAd-storyBodyAd--35v2w\">\n<div id=\"story-ad-8-slug\" class=\"ResponsiveAd-adSlug--3H3QM\">\n<p>ADVERTISEMENT<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"ad story-ad-8-wrapper\">\n<div id=\"story-ad-8\" data-google-query-id=\"CMWcyaKD7NsCFctGKwodtHcPTg\">\n<div id=\"google_ads_iframe_\/29390238\/nyt\/health_10__container__\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" id=\"google_ads_iframe_\/29390238\/nyt\/health_10\" title=\"3rd party ad content\" src=\"https:\/\/tpc.googlesyndication.com\/safeframe\/1-0-29\/html\/container.html\" name=\"\" width=\"728\" height=\"90\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" sandbox=\"allow-forms allow-pointer-lock allow-popups allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox allow-same-origin allow-scripts allow-top-navigation-by-user-activation\" data-is-safeframe=\"true\" data-mce-fragment=\"1\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-nvxo42 el4g4lw0\">\n<figure class=\"css-1tk8utm e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\"><span class=\"css-1ly73wi e1afaoz0\">Image<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY13\/merlin_139469706_36711696-e78d-45d9-899a-f8c6ffd99662-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-moyirx e3zkro30\"><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<figure class=\"css-1tk8utm e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\"><span class=\"css-1ly73wi e1afaoz0\">Image<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY14\/merlin_139470402_71b9aa6e-5102-4e93-97d0-90408532b61d-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-moyirx e3zkro30\"><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-1h6whtw\"><\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-14jsv4e\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<figure class=\"css-pqkn7h e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\"><span class=\"css-1ly73wi e1afaoz0\">Image<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY15\/merlin_139470405_0c125fb5-2f9f-42e7-904e-6f1f563ec673-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" sizes=\"100vw\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-d5nwei e3zkro30\"><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-1h6whtw\">\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">They\u2019d like another child. David hopes Tanner will become pregnant again. Some days Tanner likes the idea, and other days\u00a0not\u00a0\u2014 depending on his body dysphoria. Sometimes he thinks they should adopt.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">\u201cIt\u2019s what gay and trans people do,\u201d Tanner said. \u201cThere are kids that have crap lives, and we could help them.\u201d But he has mixed feelings: he knows couples who started the adoption process, only to have the birth mother take the child back.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">\u201cMy parents and family and friends have had to transition right along with me,\u201d Tanner said.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-14jsv4e\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<figure class=\"css-l1fb44 e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\"><span class=\"css-1ly73wi e1afaoz0\">Image<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY16\/merlin_139469070_02757426-915c-46a8-8df8-7c4f2d4fe3ea-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" sizes=\"((min-width: 600px) and (max-width: 1004px)) 84vw, (min-width: 1005px) 60vw, 100vw\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-1wtlzrm e3zkro30\"><span class=\"css-1v07nl7 e1olku6u0\">Tanner, with his stepfather, looking at photos of Tanner before his transition.<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-1h6whtw\"><\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-14jsv4e\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<figure class=\"css-18k05cz e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\"><span class=\"css-1ly73wi e1afaoz0\">Image<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY18\/merlin_139469694_53c87dd2-fba9-4171-a6a6-09caa80b40e1-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" sizes=\"((min-width: 600px) and (max-width: 1004px)) 84vw, (min-width: 1005px) 80vw, 100vw\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-1giptky e3zkro30\"><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-1h6whtw\">\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">Tanner, whose father is a drummer, has taught himself piano, guitar, drums, beat box, French horn, tuba and saxophone. He plays by ear. Music is everything to him, and Paetyn seems born to rock.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-14jsv4e\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"story-ad-9-wrapper\" class=\"ResponsiveAd-storyBodyAd--35v2w\">\n<div id=\"story-ad-9-slug\" class=\"ResponsiveAd-adSlug--3H3QM\">\n<p>ADVERTISEMENT<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"ad story-ad-9-wrapper\">\n<div id=\"story-ad-9\" data-google-query-id=\"CP_BuqWD7NsCFYpMKwod-hYO0g\">\n<div id=\"google_ads_iframe_\/29390238\/nyt\/health_11__container__\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" id=\"google_ads_iframe_\/29390238\/nyt\/health_11\" title=\"3rd party ad content\" src=\"https:\/\/tpc.googlesyndication.com\/safeframe\/1-0-29\/html\/container.html\" name=\"\" width=\"728\" height=\"90\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" sandbox=\"allow-forms allow-pointer-lock allow-popups allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox allow-same-origin allow-scripts allow-top-navigation-by-user-activation\" data-is-safeframe=\"true\" data-mce-fragment=\"1\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-1h6whtw\">\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">At the first note, she is grinning, twitching her hips and waving her arms to the beat. She even manages to dance sitting down.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-14jsv4e\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<figure class=\"css-pqkn7h e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\"><span class=\"css-1ly73wi e1afaoz0\">Image<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/18\/science\/18BABY17\/merlin_139469082_6ffa0d5e-9a60-47c7-b74e-2da486b8429c-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" sizes=\"100vw\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-d5nwei e3zkro30\"><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-1h6whtw\">\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">She\u2019s a smiling, curious, easygoing baby. Her fathers dote on her, scrambling eggs or cooking cereal and mixing it with yogurt for her breakfast. She chugs bottles of formula. When David comes home from his day job, he scoops her up and cuddles her. She grins at his kisses.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">\u201cShe is so awesome,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">Their lives match those of most families with young children: an exhausting jumble of work, cooking, diaper-changes, endless piles of laundry and the wrangling of babysitters.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-14jsv4e\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-nvxo42 el4g4lw0\">\n<figure class=\"css-1tk8utm e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\"><span class=\"css-1ly73wi e1afaoz0\">Image<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY19\/merlin_139469103_40be6f53-8a86-4d22-97d1-4ba3b08c10b2-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-moyirx e3zkro30\"><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<figure class=\"css-1tk8utm e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\"><span class=\"css-1ly73wi e1afaoz0\">Image<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY20\/merlin_139469697_f78bc287-ac75-47d3-94b0-6b9efb379d49-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-moyirx e3zkro30\"><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"css-18sbwfn StoryBodyCompanionColumn\">\n<div class=\"css-1h6whtw\">\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">About 65 people joined them to celebrate Paetyn\u2019s first birthday. Her favorite gift was a Daniel Tiger\u2019s Neighborhood band set from Tanner\u2019s sister. But a big empty cardboard box was still hard to beat.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-1i0edl6 e2kc3sl0\">What do they imagine for Paetyn?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-14jsv4e\"><\/aside>\n<\/div>\n<figure class=\"css-18k05cz e1a8i6eb0\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"media\">\n<div class=\"css-1xdhyk6 e1vv25i80\"><span class=\"css-1ly73wi e1afaoz0\">Image<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"css-zjzyr8\">\n<div><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"css-1h6w7uo e1t57l6r0\" src=\"https:\/\/static01.nyt.com\/images\/2018\/06\/16\/science\/16BABY22\/merlin_139469691_2ea765a7-5a76-48b4-aa29-b949fe005450-superJumbo.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale\" sizes=\"((min-width: 600px) and (max-width: 1004px)) 84vw, (min-width: 1005px) 80vw, 100vw\" alt=\"\" \/><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><figcaption class=\"css-1giptky e3zkro30\"><span class=\"css-1v07nl7 e1olku6u0\">With family and friends, Tanner and David celebrated Paetyn&#8217;s first birthday this year.<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Kathmandu (Pahichan) June 24 &#8211; Paetyn, an impish 1-year-old, has two fathers. One of them gave birth to her.\u00a0 As traditional notions of gender shift and blur, parents and children like these are redefining the concept of family.<br \/>\nPaetyn\u2019s father Tanner, 25, is a trans man: He was born female but began transitioning to male in his teens, and takes the male hormone testosterone.<br \/>\n\u201cI was born a man in a female body,\u201d he said.<br \/>\nHis partner and Paetyn\u2019s biological father is David, 35, a gay man.<\/p>\n<p>Their daughter, they agree, is the best &#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":10425,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[621,490,11],"tags":[1106,1808],"class_list":["post-10424","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news","category-slider","category-world","tag-lgbtq","tag-trans-men"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pahichan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10424","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pahichan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pahichan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pahichan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/44"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pahichan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10424"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/pahichan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10424\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10426,"href":"https:\/\/pahichan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10424\/revisions\/10426"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pahichan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10425"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pahichan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10424"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pahichan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10424"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pahichan.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10424"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}