Dev Bahadur Darlami, who migrated from Tuchang and came to Hupsekot Rural Municipality-2 in Nawalparasi East, was able to study only adult classes. Even though he cannot go to school, his goal is to educate his children without any problems. He got married in the year 2058 and regrets his behavior with his wife in the past.

He used to drink alcohol, wander around the village, take decisions without consulting his wife. Due to his behavior such as not understanding his wife’s feelings and not helping her with household chores, his wife had to suffer physical, mental and behavioral pain many times.

But now his behavior and words towards his wife have changed. Dev Bahadur’s family consists of his wife, children and his parents. Although the past was not memorable, now the relationship is harmonious and the whole family is happy. Whether Dev Bahadur is going somewhere or inside the house, he is with wife, helping her in farming and cutting grass.

“We have gotten along very well, whatever we did before was done without asking to wife, now we do it with the advice and understanding of both of them. I also do household work according to wife’s instructions. The decision to have or not to have a child is also wife’s, as per the advice and consent, she has been vaccinated for five years’ Dev Bahadur says – ‘We distinguish between the good and the bad. Even if I go out, I return home early. When we go for a trip, we go by advice, when we go somewhere separately, we ask each other. If I am going out late, I call my wife and inform her. My Wife is Very intelligent and talented than me, Together we earn money. I consider myself lucky.

Now there is a good communication between them, who used to suppress their desires in the past. When there is no one at home, they talk about happiness and sadness. They are able to openly express their desires and reluctance to each other even in the matter of sexual relations. The issue of physical contact used to be the main reason for quarrels because of not understanding each other’s desires. But now both of them understand each other’s wishes and support each other in understanding.

They say that ‘husband and wife quarrel is a fire of straw. It is not that there are no arguments and momentary irritations between them. Dev Bahadur’s wife gets angry if any work is not completed on time. But immediately they fool each other and get together.

I know that my wife is angry when she shouts loudly. When she gets angry, she shouts and screams, but when I get angry, I keep quiet, I don’t speak.’ Deb Bahadur says, ‘When I don’t speak, my wife comes to ask me why I am angry, it melts my heart, so even if we stop fighting, we get along quickly.’

With the latest change, not only their lives but their children and the whole family are happy. When we are very tired in the evening, both husband and wife sit together and drink alcohol. We don’t drink too much and we also don’t get into fights’ Dev Bahadur added – ‘now our family is a quiet family. I don’t know what will happen later but now we are like a pair of love birds. They are becoming very happy. There is a problem with money, but everything else is fine.

He wants all the families around him to be happy like him. Dev Bahadur says, “All this is the result of participating in a project called ‘Change Starts at Home’ to build a violence-free community.”

He also tells his neighbors and friends about the effectiveness of the program called change starts at home. He suggests that husband and wife, children and parents should live together in a family. He says that every work should be done with the advice of the husband/wife.

Dhan Bahadur Thapa, (Hupsekot-2) member of listner group of the Change Starts at Home, thinks that everything will be fine if husband and wife get together. Thapa gets arranged marriagewhen he was 35 years old. He has a family of seven including mother, wife, two sons, daughter-in-law and grandson.

The beginning of everything is the relationship between Husband and wife. If theCouple gets along, everything will be fine. The house becomes better.Husband wife should not quarrel’, he says, ‘I have also accepted this thing that I learned from Programe Change starts at home, and I have also taught it to others.’

He is also a member of the Magar group. His one son works abroad, the other works in a hotel. He works as a carpenter and joiner.while he is at home, also helps in cooking, cutting grass, looking after cattle, and farming.
Before joining Change starts at home group, his daily life was different. Having to sleep late, he accepted that husband and wife should work together and started helping his mother and daughter-in-law with his wife.

Both the good and the bad of the children remind, praise, point out right and wrong. Household decisions are made in consultation with the wife. He said that the relationship between the two was kept a secret.

“During the evening, personal life matters are exchanged, physical contact is done only with consent. Wife gets stomach pain during menstruation. I have understood, he said, ‘I eat beer sometimes and wife brings it. He used to drink heavily in past. Saying that, he is guardian of the family, She forced him to quit drinking by swear of daughter.

The Thapa couple, who have educated both their sons up to class 12, also take advice from their mother and daughter-in-law in matters of household affairs.

TilakB.K.(Shivalayaforest Consumer Group) says that the society has not yet become civilized. He is also the president of an organization that advocates for the rights of Dalits and is also affiliated with a Christian organization. He has a family with wife and two sons. He is also learning electrical work and helps his wife with cooking.

I didn’t care before. i fought with my wife about small issues. “Now we work together, the program has had an impact,” he said. When I leave the house, I take my wife with me. If I have to go alone, I will ask. When necessary, she also goes by asking.

Household advice is given in the evening after the children have gone to bed. Before there was no understanding about sexual relations, now that both have started to understand each other’s feelings, there is no quarrel.
I don’t eat while drinking. I also tell my friends and relatives not to drink alcohol. In some cases, I even go to settle a fight’, he said, ‘I have seen two people’s relationship deteriorate due to alcohol. My family is as expected. Our pair is a pair of doves. Both of us have been honest with our children.’

He reminds others that even in the church, God does not imagine husband and wife being separated. When one gets angry, the other has to calm down. I will teach you that you should not prolong the general issues’ he added.
He regularly participated in the program Change Starts at home. He felt that the program would strengthen the relationship and encourage open communication between husband and wife.

He also helps in teaching the children at home. “Participating in such a free program will change your life.Sirs have reminded me of many things, he says.

More than 200 couples like Dev Bahadur, Dhan Bahadur and Tilak changed themselves after listening to the program ‘Change Starts at Home’. Both of them are happily running a violence-free marital relationship, taking care of their children, taking care of their parents, and doing household chores with consent and understanding, appreciating the wishes and feelings of the husband and wife.

Many families of Hoopsekot-1 covered by the ‘Change Starts at Home’ program are now happy. They declared, their home was violence free and keep a flag which is printed by “Violence-free my home”.They are committed to building a violence-free society. It has been seen that people from other wards of the rural municipality have also started following the change in them.

KeshavB.K. VFC facilitator of Hoopsekot-1Jukepani for the project, says that VFC working to take the initiative for the violence-free community building campaign in the municipal office, pressure to conduct the necessary programs by allocating the budget, and holding discussions in the target group.

After the violence-free house self-declaration campaign, the community, the local government, and elected influential leaders proposed to form a committee to run the VFC campaign then a Violence Free Campaign Committee (VFC) was formed under the project in total 12 wards of Hupsekot and Binayitribeni rural municipality of Nawalpur district of Nepal. Those who participated in the group discussion and change-oriented campaign conducted by VFC are improving their marital relationship and moving forward in the direction of violence-free relationships. Their campaign seems to be turning towards achieving the goal of creating a violence-free couple, a violence-free home, community, society, and a violence-free country.

With the activeness and pressure of VFC, Hoopsekot Ward 1 has allocated rs.150,000 and Ward No. 2 has allocated rs. 400,000 for overall violence reduction and prevention. Hoopsekot Ward No. 3 has allocated 1 lakh rupees and Ward No. 4 has allocated 50,000 rupees under the title of violence-free community.Ward No. 3 has planned a total investment of 7 lakh rupees. One hundred dollars has been set aside for the initiative of Equal Access International, with the aim of providing some assistance under the change starts at home.

According to Facilitator the violence-free community committee-VFC’s Ward Level Legislation has been registered at the ward office andmunicipality.

Bank accounts of the participants have been opened and members of the violence-free community campaign committee along with the chairman have discussed with the plus two level students about the need to build a violence-free community.

“On the initiative of the chairman of the VFC, we have discussed the issue of including the necessary informative exercises in the curriculum on how to build a violence-free community,” B.K. said.

After gathering to build a violence-free community and distributing a flag saying ‘Violence-free my home’, there was more impact.