Santosh Panta/Pahichan – About 20 years ago, I had acted as a transgender in a movie called “Koseli”. In the movie, Director Tulsi Ghimire brought a transgender from Kalimpong to act. But, she could not perform well as expected.

One day, Tulsi Ghimire came to my house and asked me for some discussions with awkward feelings, “I have a role in my movie. The role is of a transgender. I brought a transgender from Kalimpong, but she could not act properly. Friend informed me that Santosh Panta can play this role, so I have come to you. Please accept my offer.”

I always loved to play different roles. When Tulsi asked, there was no reason to say no. Then, I studied about transgender life for some time. Then, I played as a transgender in “Koseli”. That was the time when I first got idea about transgender.

The sequence of shooting had some memorable happenings. My role was of a transgender woman. I did makeup. I dressed like a woman. I became beautiful. There was a person in the unit who could not speak, he cooked food for us. I teased him. I pinched him and we flirted. He felt like I loved him.

When he gave me meat, he used to give me the best ones from the cook. After shooting completed, I used to wear my military dress and go back in bike. He never got to know, I was a boy. Maybe he searched me a lot afterwards. Sometimes I feel, I did injustice on him.

I am also a father. My daughter Caitlin was the one who taught me what it means to be one. She talked to me about this. When she knew that she was a transgender, she started to talk with her mother.

One day, she talked with me about this. I said, “You are so intelligent baby.” That time, she had already returned after visit from US.  She was selected from a program called Hobby, during 16s. She had already known about sex change during her visit, then came back and talked with me about it. Then I also told her, I shall send you to US. I asked her to complete her studies first and become what she wanted. But she said, until then it will be very late.

She is now really beautiful. She is doing modeling in US.  I am very happy. She wished, I understood her wishes. I am very glad to my son, who helped his sister for her transformation.

I want to send my voice to them, who do not understand this. I want to tell them individually, and then only the society will change. Because people feel that way internally, so they do like this. People gotta understand.

“I love you”. Saying these words are not enough. Merely feeding your child egg and meat is not love. You need to understand your children’s feelings. This is love.

Why I spent my money on her is that, I have to give her my part, even if she is son, even if she is daughter, why not for her then? I gave attention to her feelings in time. That is why she could become beautiful lady. Everyone must understand this feeling.