South Asia—and Nepal in particular—has long possessed some of the most gender-fluid, non-hierarchical, and relationally rich traditions in the world. Maitri, Metta, mit and mitini bonds, gender-neutral friendships, siblinghood beyond blood, and forms of kinship rooted in reciprocity rather than gender roles—these were our indigenous, deeply progressive social technologies.

In a society whose traditional relationship structures were far ahead of the West in terms of gender expansiveness, it is alarming that today’s Gender and Sexual Minority (GSM/LGBTQI+) community is rushing head-first into a new cultural trap: Heteronormative assimilation.

A. What We Once Had—and Are Now Losing

Our cultural heritage gave us:

Mit and mitini relationships that were gender-neutral

“Sathi,” “afno manche,” “sangini,” and other forms of emotional kinship free of role-based hierarchies

Age- and experience-based respect—not gendered parental roles

Intimate solidarity without the compulsory frameworks of “man/woman,” “husband/wife,” or mother/father”

(Mit and mitini were sacred friendship vows—chosen bonds of trust, loyalty, and lifelong companionship. They did not imply gender, hierarchy, or parental authority; they simply meant two souls committed to mutual care.)

But today, within parts of the GSM community, a new trend has taken hold—a trend that imitates heterosexual family structures almost theatrically.

B. The Emergence of ‘Mommy’, ‘Daddy’, ‘Sister’, ‘Daughter’ Culture

To show respect is human. But why must respect be expressed only through parental titles? Why must senior activists be called “mommy,” “mamu,” “dad,” “aama,” or “papa” to feel valued?

Because we are slowly normalizing the belief that:

Every elder must be a mother or father

Every couple must be husband and wife

Every relational bond must fit into a heterosexual script

This is not identity-building. This is role-imposition.

And within a marginalized community, it becomes particularly dangerous.

This is not liberation. This is self-assimilation into the very hierarchy we were trying to dismantle.

C. Liberation is Not About Re-Creating the Heterosexual World in Queer Colors

Why must two queer people who marry be forced into the categories of husband and wife?

Why must a trans woman feel “complete” only if everyone calls her “mommy,” “daughter,” or “wife”?

Why must gay men adopt the “daddy–daughter” structure popularized by TikTok and drag media?

GSM liberation was never meant to be about:

Re-creating the nuclear family

Re-producing patriarchal hierarchies

Re-enacting gender binaries through titles

Becoming more “legible” to the heterosexual world

Liberation is supposed to be about breaking roles, not reassigning them.

Yet today’s community is actively rebuilding:

Husband–wife dynamics

Parental hierarchies

Childlike dependence

Gendered seniority systems

This is the textbook definition of an assimilation trap.

D. We Already Had Better Words—But We Abandoned Them

Nepal already had beautiful, expansive relational terms:

mit, mitini, sathi, sathi-sanga, sangini, sakhya, afno manche, juneli.

None of these required a person to be a man, woman, mother, father, son, or daughter.

Yet today:

Mommy, daddy, sister, daughter have replaced our own linguistic heritage—words that do not create identity, but enforce roles borrowed directly from heteronormative culture.

E. Why Are Young GSM Members Falling for This?

1. Social Media Trends

TikTok “chosen families,” drag culture aesthetics, and imported queer slang push a theatrical form of family that is still based on heterosexual structure.

2. Influence of Hijra Culture from India

The hijra tradition originally involved a guru–chela (teacher–disciple) relationship, but over the last few centuries it transformed into a “mother–daughter” hierarchy. While the system offers shelter and protection, many chelas report exploitation—being pushed into sex work and begging under the authority of their gurus.

Nepal is rapidly adapting this structure.

“Mummy” figures now take on chelas or chelis and call them chhori.

Some hijra lineages have grown so wealthy and powerful that they operate like miniature empires—reinforcing obedience rather than autonomy.

This imported hierarchy is quietly reshaping our own GSM community.

3. Lack of Local Role Models

When elders accept “mommy” or “daddy” titles as sources of authority, juniors internalize dependence—and lose the possibility of equal, non-hierarchical bonds.

But liberation does not begin with dependence—it begins with dismantling dependence.

F. The Revolution We Now Need:

A Return to Maitri and Mutuality

The highest relational title in our culture was never “mother” or “father.”

It was friend, mit, mitini—one who stands beside, not above.

A liberatory GSM kinship system must be:

Non-hierarchical

Gender-neutral

Reciprocal

Free from patriarchal roles

Rooted in chosen solidarity, not assigned identity

Our freedom lies not in recreating the heterosexual family, but in imagining new, horizontal ways of relating.

Final Question:

Is the GSM movement liberating itself—or simply becoming a neatly packaged queer version of heteronormativity?

If we continue on this path, history will say: “You did not build a new world. You only painted the old world in rainbow colors.”

The choice is ours: Assimilation—or true liberation.