The same-sex couple, who awakened South Asia

Pahichan
September 2, 2024

Kathmandu : Recently, Onlinekhabar.com, a leading news portal in Nepal, unveiled its list of “40 Under 40 Influential Youths” in Nepal.

Among those recognised were Maya Gurung and Surendra Pandey, a same-sex couple, who have made significant contributions to social justice and equality.

This list recognises 40 young individuals under 40 who have made meaningful impacts in various fields, including politics, society, art and literature, culture, youth and sports, knowledge and science, entrepreneurship, and the diaspora.

Maya and Surendra’s journey to recognition

On 29 November, 2023, Maya Gurung, 38, and Surendra Pandey, 27, made history by registering their same-sex marriage, making Nepal the first country in South Asia and the second, behind Taiwan, to recognise same-sex marriage.

‘Phones were ringing continuously with calls from foreign media. It was an important moment celebrated across Nepal and the world,” recalls Surendra, “Congratulatory messages were pouring in, and there was widespread media coverage.”

“Actually, it was a historic day for the sexual and gender minorities, opening the door for others like Maya and Surendra to have their marriage recognised ” says Sunil Babu Panta, Asia’s first openly gay former parliamentarian of Nepal, and an advocate for the SGM rights.

Love story of Maya and Surendra

To know the love story of Maya and Surendra, we have to go back about 9 years. That day, Maya, originally from Dordi Rural Municipality-2 in Lamjung, visited relatives in Kawasoti.

There she first noticed Surendra, a hotel waiter then. “I liked Surendra the first time I saw him”, she remembers, “but I did not have the courage to talk to him then.” Surendra is originally from Kawasoti Municipality-8 in Nawalparasi East.

Although she belonged to the Gurung community, she liked men from different castes. “Surendra’s features, his long and pointed nose, caught my attention when I saw him,” she says, “I went to Kawasoti a week later to talk to him.”
In Kawasoti, there was a hotel run by Maya’s relatives, where Surendra worked as a waiter. “The second time when I visited him, we got to know each other and talked,” she says.

Surendra has no parents. “His parents died when he was 6 years old. I thought that I could be happy marrying into a family without in-laws,” she says, “After hearing about his life story, I thought that my life would be easier if I married a man like him.”

According to Maya, she has been working for the rights of sexual and gender minorities since 2001. “I used to work together with Sunil Babu sir and others since then,” she says, “because of their encouragement, it was easier for me to continue my life with Surendra.”

Maya is over a decade older to Surendra. However, for Maya, age is just a number. “Age becomes secondary thing when hearts meet.”

They experienced that many of their community have been suffering humiliation due to their gender identity. “That’s why we decided to stay in a separate room in Kawasoti to avoid public humiliation,” says Surendra, “After two years, we started preparing to get married according to the cultural traditions.”

Encountering social and legal challenges

They got married in a grand celebration in the year 2074 BS at a Ganesh temple in Sohrakhute, Kathmandu. However, the society’s view towards the SGM community has yet to change. “People teased us with bad words,” Maya says, “My family and members of the Gurung community helped, but it was more difficult to convince Surendra’s parents and relatives.”

It involved difficulties for registering their marriage though.

After the marriage, Surendra and Maya went to the ward office of Kawasoti Municipality-5 to register their marriage. “At that time, we were told that only men and women can get married,” recalls Surendra, “Many people would say that it would be easier for registering our marriage when the law is made.”

They continued to seek help from various organisations and high-ranking government officials. Without marriage registration, they were deprived of government services. “We were not able to open a joint bank account or register properties in our names,” says Surendra.

At that time, rights activist Panta was outside Nepal. “During his return home, we told him that our marriage was yet to be registered,” he says, “Then it was decided upon filing a writ petition in the Supreme Court after consulting a lawyer.”

On 27 June 2023, the Supreme Court ordered the government to make legal provisions regarding same-sex marriage while delivering a verdict on the writ petition filed by Surendra and Maya. A single bench of Justice Til Prasad Shrestha asked the registration of same-sex marriage in a temporary record until related law is made.

According to Surendra, following the court ruling, they moved the District Court, Kathmandu on 13 July 2023 to register their marriage. However, a bench of judge Madhav Prasad Mainali refused to register it saying that there is no legal provision for same-sex marriage. “We were initially excited by the order of the Supreme Court, but the district court disappointed us again,” he shares.

Even when they went to the High Court against the district court order, the court upheld the district court’s ruling. Instead, judges and lawyers advised Surendra and Maya to get their marriage registered at the local level. Accordingly, they reached Dordi Rural Municipality in Lamjung for the registration process.

“Initially, they (local level officials) tried to refuse to register same-sex marriage saying the related law is not made,” he recalls, “After producing the apex court order, they emphasised coordination with the Department of National ID and Civil Registration to register the marriage.” Chair of the rural municipality Yubaraj Adhikari and other other employees helped a lot.

“When we contacted the department, they also helped a lot. They said it would be easier for them to facilitate if they received recommendation from the respective rural municipality,” says Panta, “Then they also issued a circular, and corrected the online portal in four or five days.”

Call for ensuring SGM rights

Currently, Maya and Surendra are running an organisation called ‘Mayako Pahichan Nepal (MKPN)’ dedicated to the SGM rights with the aim of helping those who have faced the same problems as theirs.

“That’s why we have registered an organisation to help same-sex couples who want to get married,” says Surendra. Maya is the MKPN president, and Surendra secretary.

The organisation has facilitated the registration of another same-sex couple’s marriage in Bardia. Anju Devi Shrestha (Dipti), 33, and Suprita Gurung, 34, of Tanahun registered their same-sex marriage on 28th January 2080 at Badhaiya Tal Rural Municipality-2.

“After our marriage was registered, other same-sex couples have started coming out openly,” shares Maya, “Gradually, the number of people registering their same-sex marriages is increasing.”

According to rights activist Panta, there are at least 150 same-sex couples in Nepal who are yet to register their marriage. “Some of them are still fearing of non-support by the government office”, says Surendra, “Some of them are also scared because they have to go to their villages to register their marriage.”

If there is a system of court marriage registration, the number of same-sex marriage registration will increase, says Surendra. “Registering a marriage requires the recommendation of an unmarried person, and problems involve as it requires the signatures of other people to collect evidence,” he says, adding, “Now we are facilitating same-sex marriage registration.”

MKPN also organised the first ‘International Rainbow Tourism Conference’ on April 20-21, 2024, targeting the SGM community. “We also wanted to send a message that Nepal is a safe destination for the people of our community,” says Surendra, “It was a grand event with the participation of over 200 people from different countries.”

It has now filed a case in the Supreme Court demanding reservation in government services for the SGM community. The Public Service Commission of Lumbini Province has already arranged for one percent reservation for the community.

“The court has also given priority right in this case”, he says, highlighting hope for further progress.

This is the translated version of a Nepali article that appeared on Onlinekhabar.com